Happy St. Patrick’s Day…A day late!
1. I didn’t make corned beef and cabbage yesterday because I made it on Tuesday instead. Last night I made burgers and oven fries. My family wondered why I hadn’t made the corned beef last night instead and I had no answer. Dinner was good on both nights so I figure I owe nobody an explanation.
2. I woke up late because the time change of moving an hour ahead has set me off completely - as it usually does when we change the clock - and it will take me until the next time change to get myself on track.
3. I think the other reason I woke up late was because I had a weird dream the night before. I can’t really remember much of the dream but I do remember enough to know that my husband ticked me off. I woke up annoyed with him and made sure I told him when he got home from work. When he asked what he did in the dream that upset me I said I didn’t remember but I just wanted him to know that he pissed me off and that was how I was feeling towards him at that exact moment. His response was that he can’t win even when I’m asleep. He’s right!
4. After dropping my daughter off at school yesterday, I pulled out of the parking lot and made a left to head home. Passing me in the opposite lane was a tow truck that was towing a car. Of course, since I don’t have the luck of the Irish, the right rear tire of the car being towed came flying off the car, rolled towards the front left side of my car, hit into my bumper, and then rolled away at break neck speeds to land on the front lawn of some unsuspecting people. Meanwhile, sparks were now flying out from the back of the car being towed since there was just metal on pavement where a tire originally was.
I in turn honked my horn and motioned for the tow truck to stop and pull over, which he did. Upon both of us getting out of our vehicle’s I told him what had just happened, while inspecting the front of my bumper which was black from the tire.
Mr. Tow Truck Man inspected my bumper and then spit on his finger and wiped away the tire residue. He then reached in his pocket and said, “Here, let me give you the money for a car wash. That should come right off.”
“Um..thanks, but no thanks. Actually I would rather have your information because I want to make sure nothing is wrong with the front end of my car. That tire hit the front of my car with enough power to bounce off it and fly across the street and roll up a hill to land on someones front lawn.”
He gave me his information and then we left. I wanted to tell him that I thought he was a moron for thinking he would just shove me off with a few bucks for a car wash. I’m not looking to make money off anything, and my car does seem to be fine, but I certainly was not going to just drive away without his information in the off-chance that he did some damage to areas on the front of my car I can’t see.
5. I got caught by my 16-year-old son downloading and listening to Rihanna’s song “S&M”.
Son: “Mom, I can’t believe you are listening to that song?”
Me: “Why? I like Rihanna.”
Son: “The song is about S&M!”
Me: “I know what the song is about. ”
Son: “Uh, the words in the song are ‘chains and whips excite me’.”
Me: “I don’t really care for the words of the song, but I like the rhythm of it.”
Son: “Whatever.”
Me: “How do you even know what S&M is, anyway?”
Son: “Everyone knows what S&M means.”
Me: “Go to your room. You’re punished forever.”
All in all it was a pretty normal day around here. I might have considered it an off day if a Leprechaun or something similar showed up on my doorstep.
If you speak with anyone living in the Northeast and ask them what they think about the weather lately you will most likely get the same answer from every single person you speak with; we are ALL ready for spring to sprout. It can’t happen soon enough.
We had five straight weeks from Christmas on of major snow storms every single week that finally let up last week. I’m sure there is more to come since we are only midway through the month of February but, for now, we are enjoying a small break. We have had sun for the past several days, and now with the temperature rising to the 50′s all the wonderful piles of snow are now beginning to turn into disgusting, murky, dirty, muddy, gravel laden puddles. Let the leaks and flooding begin.
Truly, there is no place left to put all this snow. Pulling out of the driveway has become a gamble where you say a prayer, inch forward and hit the gas and hope nobody is coming. The reason for this death-defying feat? The piles of snow are so high you can’t see past them to even know if there is an oncoming car heading your way.
My poor cat, Max, has had nowhere to venture. He has one small clear path my husband made on our deck to travel but he’s not happy about the ice and snow he has to slide across to get a breath of fresh air.
And who can blame him for being afraid to venture outside. Look at what is hanging over every single door and window of the house.
Nothing like stepping out for the day and getting speared through the skull with one of those suckers when they decide to break free.
But now, finally, the sun is out and things are melting. And sliding. And falling. All day long I hear what sounds like meteors hitting my roof, then comes the sliding and the sound that follows is similar to shattering glass as every single piece of ice and snow smashes into the ground. You would think after hearing it all day you would get used to it, but you don’t. I still jump thinking someone is breaking into my house or someone is smashing in my windows.
And that lovely ice patch you see above you…that would be similar to the beautiful sheet of ice I slipped on while walking out my front door, fell smack down on my butt and then twisted out my red leg. That would also be the leg I previously broke that has a metal rod and some screws attached to my knee and ankle. This would be the same leg that I injured again after falling, sprained my ankle, tore a ligament on the top of my right foot and twisted out my knee.
Winter sure is fun!
On Friday they are calling for temperatures in the 60′s!
On Monday they are calling for snow. Gosh, I can hardly wait!
Finally, mere days before Christmas I have decided what I want, need, and just must have.
I’m sure many of you may just think I’m being shallow, but I’ve thought long and hard about this and feel my wish is justified.
I try to follow the 5 rules when I want something I consider an indulgent purchase:
- What purpose would it serve?
- Is it something I will use more than 3 times per week?
- Will I still use it a week, month or year from now?
- Will it stand the test of time?
- Is it something I will become bored with?
- Photo Courtesy of malemodels.us
I could answer all 5 of those questions.
- Multiple purposes! My husband hates pulling out the refrigerator for me to vacuum underneath it, but I have a feeling this guy would have no problem doing that! I’ve also been trying to decide whether I wanted to add an area rug on the floor in my bedroom at the bottom of my bed. I’m thinking this laying sprawled at the bottom of the bed would serve that purpose…and then some.
- Ummm..I could see myself using this daily.
- I could see this lasting many, many years.
- I can see this standing more than the test of time.
- Bored? No. Sorry, but that ain’t happening.
Now I just have to convince my husband of all the above. 
I don’t know what his name is, but if he does show up under my Christmas tree on Christmas morning I’m going to name him GG (short for Greek God).
Good glorious graciousness. I feel like I need a cold water spritz right about now.
Merry Christmas!
If you are squeamish about hunting, or just not a person very fond of it, you might now want to look any further. Just a heads up.
Today is Mr. Bored Cook’s birthday. As you can tell from the picture above, hunting is his favorite pastime. This was a 10 point buck they got in the woods behind our house last year during bow season.
We eat a lot of venison in this house and until I met my husband I was grossed out by it. Now we have a freezer full of it and between the tenderloins, sausage and jerky he makes with it each year, it’s a food source I’ve actually come to really enjoy.
He’s off from work today, and it’s bow season. I’ll give you one hint where he plans on spending his day. Rain and all!
Happy Birthday, love!
My 15-year-old son had his cell phone stolen recently. This is just one of the reasons why I absolutely hate cell phones, but I’ll cover that area in a completely different post.
I got a replacement phone for him the other day which arrived after he had already left for school. I had already reported his previous phone as stolen, and was in the process of activating his new phone. As soon as the phone activated about 11 text messages immediately came through. Now, I’m not normally one to delve into the privacy of my children. I try to give my son the space and privacy that I remember wanting when I was his age…within reason. Obviously, if there is ever a time I feel I need to snoop for the benefit of his well-being you can be positively sure I will do what needs to be done. But, until I’m given that reason, I’ll allow him his privacy. Within reason.
That being said, the last text message that showed up was a photo. It intrigued me to see what was being sent so I opened it. What I saw was a barely dressed girl clad only in a pair of boxer shorts pulled well below her naval, and a small bra pushing here breasts so far up you could serve tea off those puppies. Did I also mention the suggestive arch she posed herself in? Underneath the photo was this lovely verbage:
“Just a little taste of what you are missing since you are always ignoring me. Pls don’t show or tell anyone about this picture.”
There are so many things that went through my mind as I looked at this picture.
- This is a 14-year-old girl sending this picture to my 15-year-old son.
- This is a 14-year-old girl sending this picture to my 15-year-old son and actually believing that she can trust a 15-year-old boy not to show this picture or tell anyone else about it.
- Does her mother have any idea that her daughter is sending half-naked and suggestive pictures to guys on her cell phone?
- Why in the hell do my breasts no longer look that way. Why would you send a picture like this to someone who you claim is ignoring you? Did you think this would suddenly make him sit up and take notice? Please, don’t anyone answer that question because I don’t want to know the answer.
- Was my stomach ever that flat and how come my belly button no longer looks like an O but instead like an upside down smile? What are young girls thinking today when they do things like this?
Immediately I begin scrolling through the rest of the messages, and low and behold every other one is from this girl. Things like;
- “Walk with me in the hallway?”
- “Hey, what’s up?”
- “Hello? Are you going to answer me?”
- “I guess I’ll take that as a no.”
I sat holding his phone for a few minutes trying to decide what I wanted to do. Did I answer the girl back and tell her to take her flat abdomen and perky breasts and send them to some other unsuspecting guy? Did I ignore the text, erase it and never mention it at all? I opted for replying to her with the following text:
“Hi. You don’t have to worry about the picture being shown to anyone because my son doesn’t have his phone on him now. I do and this is his mom. I’ll be deleting the picture now. Thanks.”
I waited a few minutes to see if I would get a response or if it would go ignored. About 2 minutes later I received the following response:
“OMG!! I’m SOOOOOOO sorry.”
OMG, indeed! My last response was:
“You might want to think twice before you decide to send a half-naked and suggestive picture of yourself to guys. OF COURSE they are going to show the picture to their friends because that’s what guys do. Plus, as I just proved, you never know who is going to see it.. Like me or even…your own mother. Have a good one!”
I didn’t get another response, but then I didn’t expect one either. I sort of regretted even responding but the mom in me really felt the need to say something to this girl. Will it make her think twice the next time? I would hope so, but somehow I doubt it.
I did ask my son about it when he got home. I also told him I had deleted the picture from his phone so, unfortunately for him, he wouldn’t get the chance to see it. I then “gently” probed about this girl.
I asked if he was interested in this girl. I mean I saw her picture – all of it – and it’s not like this girl is not attractive. I’m sure she has guys interested in her, and I’m hoping one of them is not my son.
His response:
“She is annoying! Everywhere I go, she is there. She constantly texts me, I ignore her and she still texts me. She’s like a psycho or something.”
My advice to him was to tell her, nicely, that he’s not interested and she needs to back off. We’ll see how this progresses.
Now, I did delete the picture from my son’s phone, but that was after I forwarded it to my phone. I wanted to show this to my husband so I could tell him what happened and see what he thought.
When he got home from work that night I went out to talk to him and showed him the picture. What was his response when he saw it?
“Where were these girls when I was his age.”
“Umm, can you please FOCUS?”
“Sorry. I’ll have a talk with him.”
“OK”, I said. “What are you going to talk to him about?”
“You know, the Birds and the Bees.”
What the?
”The Birds and the Bees? THE BIRDS AND THE BEES? I spoke with him about the The Birds and the Bees when he was ten! Then he heard it again a year later in health class. We have long passed The Birds and the Bees, man. We are smack at the hornet’s nest and they are swarming!”
“Then I’ll talk to him about the hornets.”
It was at this point I decided that we should move to the mountains. We would leave all electricity and technology behind. I would home school the kids and we could live off the land. I expressed this new idea to my husband.
After he got off the floor from convulsing in laughter at me he said;
“Live off the land, Pam? If I had to rely on you feeding me by living off the land I would be dead from starvation. Remember how you fell off the front porch and broke your leg so bad you needed surgery? That was just because you were getting groceries out of your car. How would you manage to live off the land when you can’t even walk down the front steps?”
It took all the control I could muster not to kick him in the niblets.
Both of my sons did it so I knew it would only be a matter of time before my daugther did.
I put the quarter in the picture so you could get an idea of exactly how much hair my daughter chopped off the left side of her head.
I didn’t get too crazy when the boys did it. For a boy you can easily fix it by just getting a buzz cut.
Girls? Not so much. There really isn’t any way to hide the fact that they took a set of round tipped scissors to gauge out chunks of their hair.
Guess who has a hair cut appointment this week? I’ll give you a hint…it ain’t me.
If you live in New Jersey than you know that it is illegal for you to pump your own gas at the gas station. The attendants have to come out and do it. Sometimes they even wash the windows on your car while they fill your gas tank.
Gas is cheaper in New Jersey.
If you live in New York, like we do, you have to pump your own gas. Nobody comes out to pump it for you. They are nice enough to leave you the stuff you need to wash your own windows while you are pumping your own gas. It’s thoughtful of them.
Gas in New York is more expensive.
So, in New Jersey, someone does the work for you and you pay less per gallon. In New York, you do all the work and you pay more. Does it make sense? No, I didn’t think so.
Since we live in an area where we are on the border of New Jersey, sometimes I will just head across the state line to get gas. And sometimes it’s really nice to not have to get out of my car and have someone just do the work for me. It’s even nicer when they clean my windows. Makes you feel like you went to the spa for the day.
However, after the other day, I think I’ll just stay in my own state and pump my own gas, thank you very much.
I headed into Jersey to fill up my tank. The attendant asked how much and I told him to fill it with regular. As I was waiting I got a text message from my friend and was answering her back. Being my airheaded self, and not paying attention to what I was doing, the attendant returned to my window for me to pay him. I absently reached in my pocketbook and instead of handing him my money I handed him a…tampon!
As soon as I realized what I did I pretty much just died right there on the spot. I was hoping he had no idea what it was, but I’m pretty sure he did. I grabbed it back so quickly and immediately handed him my money, but I did catch a little smirk as he turned away.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO MYSELF????
I don’t care if they raise gas $5 more per gallon in NY. I don’t care if they give gas away for free in New Jersey. I’m NEVER entering the state of New Jersey again for gas. Ever.
The other day I was running errands with all three of my kids.
After picking up my oldest son from football practice I noticed a police car behind me, so of course I became overly cautious with my driving. Not that I drive around like a maniac-on-wheels normally, but when you have a police car behind you it causes you to glance at your speedometer every few seconds to make sure you are driving at the exact speed and not a few miles over it.
He tagged along behind me for several miles.
Me: “This cop is going to pull me over. I can feel it.”
15 yo son: “For what? You have your seatbelt on and you aren’t speeding. Why would he pull you over?”
Me: “He’s been behind me through every turn I’ve made for the past several miles. Trust me, he is going to pull me over.”
I finally made the left turn onto my road and sure enough, the second I did, his lights and siren went on and he pulled me over – a mere few houses down from my house.
Me: “Told you.”
15 yo Son: “What the heck?”
In the brief moments it took for this officer to walk from his car to my window, the following dialogue played through my head;
‘Okay, I was not speeding, I have my seatbelt on, all my kids are properly belted in. I didn’t cut anyone off, I stopped at every light, stop sign and used all my blinkers. I didn’t cross a yellow or white line. All of my windshield stickers are up to date. What the hell is this guy pulling me over for? If this is some bogus attempt to get me to pay some stupid ticket or fine I’m not paying it! New York is already too expensive and they are NOT getting another stinking penny out of me for some stupid nonsense.”
The officer arrived at my window and immediately asked for my license and registration.
I handed them to him and he said,
“I pulled you over because your right rear brake light is out. But I’m not going to give you a ticket for that.”
“Let me just run your license and I’ll be right back.”
I guess it was nice that he told me he wasn’t going to give me a ticket, but all I could think was why would you give a ticket for something like that anyway! I have no idea if a rear light is out unless someone tells me since I don’t drive behind myself.
As he is running my license, other dialogue is going on in my car.
15 yo son: “Hope he doesn’t give you a ticket.”
Me: “Why would he? He just said he wasn’t going to, and not for nothing, but unless I was driving behind myself, how would I even know if I had a rear light out.”
8 yo son: “Mom, can they arrest you for that?”
Me: “I’m not going to jail for a broken light!”
4 yo daughter: “Mommy, you not going to jail!”
Me: “No, I’m not going to jail!”
8 yo son: “But, Mom, a cop could put you in jail if you did something really bad.”
Me: “I have a burnt out brake light. They don’t put you in jail for that.”
15 yo son: “Yeah, but if you had like a ton of drugs or something in your car they would arrest you, Mom.”
Me: “Since I’m not a drug addict, I’m pretty sure I won’t be getting arrested for that either.”
8 yo son: Yeah, but if you did do drugs or something they could put you in jail for that, Mom.”
Me: “For the love of goodness, I’M NOT GOING TO JAIL, I DON’T DO DRUGS AND I’M NOT GETTING A TICKET!! How about if we just all stop talking.”
With that my neighbor drives by, looks over to see me sitting there, with a police car behind me, and me looking embarrassed.
The officer returns to my car, hands me back my license and registration and tells me to fix the light.
With that we head home. I ran out later on to pick up the light I needed and gave it to my husband to change for me.
My oldest son couldn’t wait to tell his father how mommy got stopped by the “Po Po.” Sheesh!
While we were standing in the garage, my two little ones were riding their bike and scooter. I wasn’t really paying attention to much of their conversation since I was talking to my husband. When I finally caught wind of what they were saying I started to watch.
My son was riding his bike around my husband’s truck with my daughter following behind him on her scooter. Next thing I hear is this:
4 yo daughter: “My turn! Now I be Mommy and you be the police man.”
How nice! Instead of playing cops and robbers like my generation did as kids, my kids are pretending to be a fugitive like their mother. Oy!
